What do you say to a friend who is sick? What NOT to say...

It can be difficult finding the right words to comfort a friend or relative who is sick with a life-threatening illness.

Letty Cottin Pogrebin, author of “How to Be a Friend to a Friend Who’s Sick,” has some dos and don’ts. Try not to say:

* Don’t talk about people you know who had something similar and are now fine.

* Don’t tell your friend she looks great when it is obvious that she looks anything but.

* Don’t say “I know what you’re going through” unless you actually do.

* Do draw up a list of possible chores you could perform — picking up children at school, grocery shopping, mowing the lawn. Look and listen to cues from the sick person, or his caregivers, as to when it is appropriate to show up, and when it is a good time to leave.

* Do realize that in the end you are powerless in the face of your friend’s illness, particularly if it is terminal. If you think a terminally ill friend wants to say goodbye, gently open the door to a last conversation and leave it up to the patient to either close it or walk through.