Just Divorced

If someone you know has just gotten divorced – should you congratulate them?

When someone announces they’ve just been divorced – should you offer congratulations – or sympathy? Most people aren’t quite sure what to say, assuming the divorcee is not sobbing or popping a bottle of champagne. Gretchen Rubin, author of “The Happiness Project,” asked some divorced friends – who have some suggestions.

Helpful things to say:

• “I’m sorry to hear about your marriage.” Regardless of the circumstances, it’s pretty safe to assume there was a time they wanted it to work out.

• “That must have been tough. How are you doing so far?” They will take the lead from there.

Things NOT to say:

• “You’re better off without him/her.” Even if you believe that, it’s insensitive.

• “I’m shocked, you two seemed so happy together.” That puts them in the awkward position of having to defend or explain the divorce.

Try to avoid talking about your own divorce, or someone else’s, unless they specifically ask for advice. Badmouthing the ex is also NOT appropriate, especially if children are involved. If you really want to help, ask if there’s anything they need, and don’t forget to include the divorcee in some future plans. They often fall out of the social mix for a while.